i permit you to call me
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
