Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
They are going to name an STD after you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
