You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
