So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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