I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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