Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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