YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Damn victory sex feels great
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
