We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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