Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
