Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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