I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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