your thong is hanging out like whoa
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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