Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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