she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So much rum. So many feels.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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