Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
