i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
