So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
