man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
