Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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