dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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