The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
