You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
