Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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