another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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