Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
