It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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