i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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