Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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