god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Terrible idea I love it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
