she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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