My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
