I think i peed on brittanys purse
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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