Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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