I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
