he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
