somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
