Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
