dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
