i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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