Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
