Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My bed smells like the plague
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
