Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
