There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
