so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
