i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
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