Can i not drive my cunt home
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize