Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
