Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
