He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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