He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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