Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
