What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
There's always time for handjobs
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize