I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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