I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
