May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
