I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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