AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
