Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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