I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
