help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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