You just made me feel so damn special
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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