So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
