Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize