I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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