I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
